Sunday, July 11

Bacon as Vegetable

Every good argument needs a diagram! Even if it is inaccurate and poorly illustrated. As of last Thursday, I decided to give vegetarianism a try. My goal is to last an entire week without meat. It really does not seem that horrid. It appears to be high in carbohydrates and fiber. I have been eating potato chips, random candy, and the occasional fruit. Basically my diet is made up on sunflower seeds. They are easy, sodium covered, and delicious. For my main meals I have enjoyed eggplant, pizza, and red beans. However a slight oversight is the bacon. On a few occasions i have included a bit of bacon into the meal. Therefore! As shown above, Bacon is in fact a vegetable. Pigs are omnivores. I have taken the liberty of breaking the big down by converting it's diet into our diet. I really hate using the theory of "you are what you eat," but in this case it benefits my perspective! I declare bacon is a vegetable. A very delicious, useful, protein packed option for all vegetarians.

Vegetables also include: Crawfish and Crabs (When in Season)

Friday, July 9


On a much happier note. I love my friends! They have been letting me visit with them on and off for several months now. We have grown the most delightful garden.
Most of the credit really does belong to Mitch, as I tend to kill most everything. The tomatoes were not horrid and we have more basil than we know what to do with. The okra is starting to look really great. Living in the city does not seem so horrid, who knew you could grow so much on concrete!

I have even discovered a very delightful community garden down the street! First Grace Community Garden appears at first glance to be very neglected. However, someone is working on it exceedingly slowly. Either way, this place is delightful!

Wednesday, July 7

Stupidity to End the World 2012

I find it horrifying that in just over 50 years America has declined so far down from being one of the great superpowers. This is probably an over discussed topic; however it is one that has a lot of stock available. I find it necessary to point out how much stupidity actually exists. I know I am not a shining example of brilliance. In fact, I myself am a great example! It would have taken me much longer to write this sans spell check. I cannot recall the last time I opened a dictionary to check myself. So there just has to be an entire generation who has never had to utilize a proper dictionary. What happen to the card catalog and the dewy decimal system? What about conversions from and to metric. I have never had a geography class perhaps that is I manage to get lost so easily. I heard they were removing penmanship from the class curriculum in many schools. I completely understand why it takes a teenager three hours to follow and build a tool that should not have taken more than ten minute assembly. According to an article I read in Psychology Today, America ranks #26 in “know-how.” Does that mean common sense? Apparently everything needs warning labels. For example a toaster really does not need to warning to not submerge it in water. If someone is stupid enough to sink a toaster, they should be electrocuted. In the good old days people learned how to use a spoon without having to read any warning labels to figure out you shouldn’t put it in the microwave. Besides, what good are warning labels in a majority of the country cannot read English? According to the same article, America ranked #12 in literacy. And with teenage pregnancy on the rise I am pretty sure they have removed sex education. The decline of intelligence very well could be the end of humanity in 2012. Or zombies. Or both.
End of rant.

I am prepared to fight off zombies, but I do not know how long I would survive in a pack of idiots.

Thursday, July 1

Proper or Not

I am having issues deciding what proper etiquette is. Last August I started a relationship with an older gentleman, an eleven year difference. I was raised by a single mother where etiquette was not really important. I was not raised like Reba’s “Fancy,” my mother did not raise me to find a man that would support me. My mother taught me to be self reliant, self sufficient, and independent. Unfortunately I am not my mother and I really like having a companion. So, I discovered I needed to go out and research proper etiquette. I bought a few books and studied up. I brushed up on dining etiquette and basic lady like skills. Previously, when I thought about dating I did not think I had to learn little details. A year later I certainly have learned to like having doors held and sits pulled out for me. Perhaps it is my generation that etiquette and manners are being lost. I have dated people my age; there are a lot of formalities that just do not occur. I was reading the eHow article on how to be a southern gentleman; I would like to update that so it applies to modern society.

I think impeccable manners, could just be decent manners and have a respectful nature. Honestly, I kn ow my manners are not impeccable… I definitely appreciate the idea of having someone helping me to my seat and taking my coat. I like am man that can appreciate my cooking, even if he has to lie. Another thing about a southern gentleman is that they must have charm. To show my nerdiness they should have at least a 15 charisma. Although, I would not mind a high dexterity either…

Saturday, June 26

Transgendered Rabbit Mistake

Weirdness is very persistent in finding me, especially at work. Today’s story is a good one, I even have documentation. As a matter of fact, this story is so good it will validate me that I am not completely insane, it really is everyone else!
Meet Blanche. She may appear to be an ordinary white rabbit, but she is hiding something. Her secret is she is in fact a transgendered rabbit! Okay, so not quite but there was a fair bit of a mix up, especially since she was spayed. Blanche came to be from a local animal shelter. According to the first intake form Blanche is a white, altered, female rabbit of about 1 year of age. Upon examination I discover a surgical scar down her abdomen which should have confirmed the altered part of the intake form.
Great! So I start looking for someone to adopt this rabbit. I finally find a lady who is looking for another female rabbit for her rabbit, Alice. We meet on Memorial Day and she takes Blanche home. Today, I get a call basically Blanche has been mating with Alice. I figured not to worry that occasionally happens for dominance and what not… However, the lady continues explaining that Blanche has developed a set of balls and a penis. Oh snap! My god what did they remove from this rabbit!
Check out the paperwork that we found!
Wait does that mean they cut open Blanche, found no testes or uterine tissue and closed him back up! Sure does! But it also continues to say Probable male, already neutered.... Opps, and if his balls just dropped that certainly makes him less than a year old! What kind of education does a vet need....
What a day, what a day.

At least the lady would like to keep Blanche as long as the shelter is willing to "re-alter"him once more..

Saturday, June 19

No good jobs.

I have come to the conclusion, and perhaps am misguided, that there are no good jobs. There are the incredible awesome jobs that we will never find and the jobs we do find. Even though I have a full time job doing mildly interesting retail things, I will never make enough or amount to anything with this job.
I have been looking around and here are the prospects that interest me most:

Utilize my under-utilized BA and get a job editing photos (NOW) and (LATER) open some sort of studio for myself.

I could take my love of triage and patching of people and animals by going back to school and getting some sort of medical degree (NOW) or (EVEN SOONER) Social castrate myself and become an mad scientist. (However, I think even mad scientist needs start up funds?)

Another great option would be to follow in Coco Chanel's footsteps by learning some actual trade and find "patrons" to buy me a nice life. Totally seems like a good life, sex isn't a bad job! This way you can pick your partners. Shame the world isn't like it used to be.

Housewife, I have not quite figured this one out, but it mildly interests me, although it really is not an option available.

I have no idea what to really do, the economy is rather shitty, but there are a few jobs I have noticed on the rise that do not really appeal to me. However, these jobs do pay more then my salary!

Landscaper, general yard care person, can easily get 30-50 an hour depending on the job. As long as you can stand the heat and the bugs.(no degree required)
Dog sitters, dog walkers, and pooper scoopers are making a bit above minimum wage for sure! Just look at to find a local shit removal service.

These really do seem rather crappy.

Friday, June 18

Dogs in Drag

Since when do dogs need to be in drag? If we are so worried about aggressive behaviors in dogs, maybe we should not dress them, parade them around, and humiliate them? Or on the flip side, perhaps the dogs enjoy being fashionable?
You can also now purchase Prada, Ralph Lauren, Louis Vuitton, and many other fashionable brands for your pooch. I can not afford Prada for myself, why the hell is anyone buying this for their dog!
Perhaps the exception would be holidays? If the dog is willing?
Otherwise, dressing up and embarrassment should be left for your children or when you are drunk.

Not the I have not done it before... Sorry Dudley. Love ya!